Everything You Were Taught About Relationships Is Wrong

Most People Are Functionally Illiterate When It Comes To Love and Relationship

A couple sharing attraction and chemistry

We Inherited a Broken Model

Most of us were never actually taught how love and relationships work. We inherited a model. We were taught that relationships are hard, love requires sacrifice, compromise is inevitable, and perseverance is evidence of commitment. We learned to expect struggle without being given the literacy necessary to determine whether that struggle represents normal relational development or fundamental misalignment. We learned how to get into relationships long before we learned how to assess whether the person standing in front of us has the capacity, orientation, values, temperament, and relational architecture necessary to build the kind of partnership we actually want.

I’m Tunisia Ali, Conscious Love and Alignment Relational Architect and creator of the A.L.I. Relational Architecture and Love Literacy System™. My work has been shaped not only by study and professional training, but by lived experience across my own relationships and marriages and more than a decade working with women as a mentor, guide, and consultant, helping them understand themselves, their relationship patterns, and how to build healthier relationships. That combination has led me to one central conclusion: we have a relationship literacy problem. We have an abundance of relationship advice and yet remain functionally illiterate about love.

I redefine love and relationships in The Alignment Field™ as I discuss in the book, stabilizes love by creating coherence, trust, and long-term viability, allowing two people to build something real without constant drama or disagreeableness. But first, we much change how we see love and how we define both love and relationships before we can address relational challenges and inquiry. We need love literacy.

This book is being edited and a chapter added. It will re-premiere by the end of October.

Relationships Are Systems and Your Desire to Be With Someone is Not a Remedy For a Faulty Foundation or Broken Structure

It is time to unlearn what we have been taught love and relationships are. It is time to recognize that we do not understand love, we don’t understand partner selection, we don’t have a framework for determining the relative health or illness of relationships we are in, we believe relationships are hard and require sacrifice, we have perpetuated many of the dysfunctional societal conditioning around love and relationships and are just functionally illiterate. It is also time to accept that if we were illiterate in any other system necessary to life we would be raising heaven and hell to remediate ourselves. Most of us would. If your child was graduating high school and reading on a 3rd grade level, you would be up in arms. Why is that? Are not relationships, the cornerstone of society and life in general not deserving of the same attention?

A relationship is not simply two separate people with individual issues to work on. When two people come together, they create a relational system with its own patterns, feedback loops, momentum, structural capacities, and emergent outcomes. This is why spot-treating communication, intimacy, attachment, boundaries, or conflict cannot always solve what is happening. Sometimes the problem is not a missing relationship skill. Sometimes the relationship itself is structurally misaligned.

Love Is Not the Same as Alignment

You can love someone and still have no business building a life with them. You can have chemistry without alignment. You can desperately desire a relationship and still be trying to construct it with someone whose relational capacity cannot support what you are attempting to build. Neither love (what you think love is) nor your desire for the relationship can make the structure work. Love flourishes under conditions capable of conducting and sustaining it. That is why Love Literacy requires us to move beyond simply asking, “How do I make this relationship work?” and learn to ask, “What kind of relational system have we actually created, and what is this system capable of producing?” Love alone—what we consider love, our feelings and desire to maintain a relationship— does not tell us whether a relationship should continue. We need a much more sophisticated way of understanding what we are experiencing. We need love literacy. This is my area of expertise and I endeavor to help people understand why it is so critical. As critical, if not more, than reading literacy.

The Architecture of Aligned Love

I explore this much more deeply in my forthcoming book, The Architecture of Aligned Love: Mapping the Hidden Structure Behind the Experience of Extraordinary Love and Partnership. The book is currently in development and is expected within approximately the next six months to a year.

If you would like to be among the first to know when it is available—or you would like the opportunity to receive an autographed copy—[join The Architecture of Aligned Love priority list here]. Leave your name and contact information, and I’ll let you know when the book is complete and where you can purchase your copy.

We Know How to Spot Problems, But Not Diagnose Them

There is no shortage of relationship advice. We are constantly being taught how to communicate better, establish boundaries, heal attachment wounds, restore intimacy, recognize red flags, or become better partners. Some of these tools are valuable, but they often address individual symptoms without examining the larger relational structure producing them. This does not present us with a cohesive way of understanding love and relationship at the level of architecture, building, and flow, or misalignment. We have a hodge podge of relational advice that while useful, is not holistic enough to provide us with love literacy. This renders us at the mercy of relationships and those who we inherit our conditioning and programming from. If we do not understand what makes a relationship function as a whole, we can become extremely skilled at treating problems without ever discovering why the problems continue to exist. If we don’t understand why the problems exist, we can’t possibly stop cycles and end destructive relationship patterns and more.

The 60-Day Relationship Selection and Alignment Intensive

I am also preparing the 60-Day Relationship Selection and Alignment Intensive, an intimate cohort for seven women who are worn out—or even traumatized—by their relationship experiences and are ready to understand the nitty-gritty of why this keeps happening. This is about helping you improve your relationship selection process, recognize genuine alignment, and ultimately build a relationship that actually fits who you are.

I don’t want you entering 2027 with the same relationship literacy that produced the relationships you are still trying to recover from. During these 60 days, I will teach you how to engineer the conditions that allow love to emerge, rather than continuing to enter relationships hoping that love—or your desire for the relationship—will somehow make the structure work. If you're interested, fill out the application to hold a space here or join the priority list here to receive ongoing information about the intensive cohort.. I’ll be sharing additional information over the next few months. To learn more about this intensive, view the link to this video.

Become More Literate in Love

If this way of understanding relationships resonates with you, follow my work as I continue sharing this unique message and helping people remedy our functional illiteracy about love. We cannot consciously navigate something we do not understand—and we cannot build extraordinary relationships using an inherited model that was never designed to teach us how extraordinary love actually works.

You can subscribe to Throne 69 and Love Literacy , and turn on notifications so you don't miss the conversations, teachings, and new material I’ll be sharing. You can also visit Throne69.com for more information about my work, upcoming programs, and ways to work with me.